How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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