...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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