i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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