So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
