yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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