I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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