so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You pole danced in your parka.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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