Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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