oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
