If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
