I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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