You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize