Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
