I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
