She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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