ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
