ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
