He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize