He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
