oh god the rape fog is back!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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