dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
