Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
