I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
