I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
