Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
