her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize