i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
