if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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