I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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