you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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