kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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