I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
NoShamevember. You game?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
