If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
