my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize