so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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