Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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