i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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