I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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