Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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