I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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