There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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