Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
