There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
