All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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