we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
