If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
