i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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