I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
