I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
