i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
