we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
