She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
