Don't make out with my wife yet
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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