and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
