I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
