I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
