I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
