It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
