hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
