I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My penis needs a shock collar
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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