I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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