i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
