He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
